Funny Tweets For People Who Want Quick Entertainment

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    Cat - Yvette Cendes @whereisyvette Apparently in my absence my husband has hung cat-level wall art. So sophisticated TO 9:42 PM 2/22/23 751K Views 2,364 Retweets 140 Quotes 29.5K Likes ...
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    Automotive parking light - the creature @itmgaltalt finally my car will be safe when two cartoon characters are having a fight offscreen Rides That'll Beat Your Ass @a... 2d what did I just watch Show this thread 1:43 PM 2/22/23 18M Views 61.7K Retweets 530 Quotes 537K Likes c
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    Font - stuart @punished_stu I'm the patriotic guy who just lets Navy SEALs kidnap me thinking it'll be fine 1986 kidnapping incident On March 20, 1986, Red Cell team members kidnapped Ronald D. Sheridan, a civilian security guard who worked at Naval Weapons Station Seal Beach in Southern California as part of an exercise to test the defenses of the base. They took him to a nearby hotel where he was held for 30 hours and tortured: stripped, kicked, beaten, and repeated dunking into a bathtub fill
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    Product - Big Boy Online @idonotbleed robbing my mailman Leave ur wallet asshole 2:02 PM 2/24/23 360K Views L Osshor 869 Retweets 13 Quotes 16.6K Likes
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    Font - people talk a lot of shit about him but i think its amazing jar jar is doing this thomas violence @thomas_violence 12NEWSL FOOD 44 News ADVERTISE WITH US . Weather Sports VERIFY MEET THE TEAM Mesa spending $5M on fighting food insecurity 9:01 PM 2/21/23 586K Views FORECAST 18.1K Likes 2,571 Retweets 50 Quotes
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    Font - Zach Zimmerman @zzdoublezz There was a drunk lady at my show last night who kept yelling out. I handled her fine but it was annoying. After the show, her friend comes over, I assumed to apologize, but she said "no. Jerry is someone who makes herself known." 12:11 AM 2/22/23 151K Views 713 Likes 7 Retweets 8 Quotes
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    Font - Lucy Huber @clhubes Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. 10:03 PM 2/22/23 1.1M Views 492 Retweets 89 Quotes 28.3K Likes
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    Font - Matt Bell @mdbell79 A kid in the Dallas airport tapped me on the leg while we waited in a line, then whispered: "Hey! Guess what. My dad's jet ski sank in a lake and WE NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN." Kid's mom: "STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT!" 3:56 PM 2/22/23 1.5M Views 1,502 Retweets 74 Quotes 37.6K Likes
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    Smile - Rod @rodimusprime We ain't never getting them books. Respect a player when you see him in the streets. RR stands for respect the real. JAI 20 2:21 PM 2/25/23 286K Views 915 Retweets 92 Quotes 7,145 Likes TEMJETTEMI STAL STRADA BUNYI =Lif1= Lif
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    Font - rob @RobertSecundus will smith this year has the opportunity to do the funniest thing in history Variety @Variety. 1d Academy Adds Oscars 'Crisis Team' After Will Smith Slap: 'We'll Be Prepared For Anything We May Not Anticipate' variety.com/2023/film/ news... 8:41 PM 2/22/23 4.3M Views 6,294 Retweets 56 Quotes 104K Likes
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    Product - Missy Lynn @Vessyteena Why does the Soviet union still exist in the heartstopper universe Sid Bell @charlitski. 1d the bi one looks 30 HEARTSTOPPER season 2 10:40 PM 2/22/23 1.2M Views
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    Photograph - latke @latkedelrey some foods are not meant to be reheated and once you put them in the fridge they are unsalvageable Cindy Noir @thecindynoir 3d What's your unpopular food opinion?? We are in need of harmless discourse, unload the clip!! Show this thread IN IT NA HORA 3:50 PM 2/22/23 11.7M Views 10.1K Retweets 2,928 Quotes 148K Likes
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    Dog - nape mango (awesome) @NapeMango cool photo i just took of my dog RR 7:18 PM 2/22/23 1.8M Views
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    Font - jasminericegirl @jasminericegirl this is literally all women want are they pretty no ur the only pretty woman rather be in hell than alone this feels unhealthy i actually dont listen to any woman except for u is the thing 1:51 PM 2/22/23 554K Views it's a sza reference 13.2K Likes 827 Retweets 121 Quotes
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    Font - Sen. Lemon Gogurt (I - Podcastia) @Ugarles had to check my spam folder • Squirting School 2:09 PM ✩Make her DRENCH the bedsheets with her ju... . Ready To Join Squirting School? Nancy Pelosi ✩ disgusted, Charles Charles, I'm absolutely disgusted. -- I watched R... 8:59 PM 2/21/23 224K Views 9,120 Likes 731 Retweets 16 Quotes 11:31 AM
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    Font - ATU NG S grace holland @thebiggestyee one time when i was dating a marine i gifted him a pocket pussy with my picture taped to it as a silly joke and within a month his whole unit had fucked the pocket me and the last 4 guys to do it all got chlamydia (: 2:12 PM 2/22/23 42.9K Views . . 439 Likes 17 Retweets 4 Quotes
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    Smile - Boycott Netflix @MudkipSmexy Loved seeing the Marvel Stans be like "oh but he's always been an ugly head!!!" Yeah an ugly, demonic looking boney ass face not just some real dudes face stretched out with spy kids cgi Justin Whang @JustinWhang. 1d Modok looks so fucking stupid that it's made me the most interested in watching a marvel movie that Ive been in years Show this thread 12:47 AM 2/21/23 7M Views
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    Font - DJ hate account @womansplainerr When I was 14 my mom found a condom in my room and was like crying so she got my dad to take me to a Mexican restaurant and all he did was get margarita drunk & trauma dump on me & tell me about how much he cheats on my mom. Then he drove us home and we almost died like 6 times 8:37 PM 2/21/23 208K Views 8,911 Likes 184 Retweets 20 Quotes
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    Font - Zach Blackburn @zachblackburn23 doing a jimmy carter deep dive and what the heck man One of the promises you made in 1976 was that if you were elected, you would look into the reports from Roswell and see if there had been any coverups. Did you look into that Well, in a way. I became more aware of what our intelligence services were doing. There was only one instance that I'll talk about now. We had a plane go down in the Central African Republic-a twinengine plane, small plane. And we co
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    Tartan - evelyn @deleteevelyn Extremely nefarious things are happening in storefronts in brooklyn АЗО МИА 1:05 PM 2/21/23 1.6M Views HIM Qe
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    Human - bear the benevolent @deleteevelyn if you read this congrats you've just experienced watching it with my father J Jalopnik @Jalopnik. 1d The Last Of Us Doesn't Understand How Gasoline Degrades dlvr.it/SjjKxv 4:49 PM 2/21/23 6.2M Views . 114K Likes 4,087 Retweets 133 Quotes
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    Font - james (on hiatus) @jamesholod barista said "your usual?" and i said "yes please!" and he proceeded to make me a beverage i have never ordered in my life 9:41 AM 2/21/23 - 117K Views . 3,651 Likes 54 Retweets 16 Quotes
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    Product - angela bassett's thing @heyyitsjanea bro it was the first film in color SNARKYMARKY @snarkeigh 3d This is so low budget oh my God hailed as peak cinema what?? Show this thread 0:18 6:47 PM 2/18/23 20.3M Views And it's 514K Likes 36.7K Retweets 506 Quotes Ice :
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    Product - reading the Jeremy Strong piece for GQ and this specific part has me on the literal floor = GQ We come upon a wide-open pasture dotted with sheep. Strong exhales as he takes in the view. Calm sweeps across his face. "I mean, it's kind of like...fuck Brooklyn." A goose honks in the distance. "Should we follow that sound?' 7:25 PM 2/21/23 85.7K Views
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    Outerwear - greensontoast @greensontoast proud walmart gimp/slave/stocker i work 69 hours a week for 7.25 an hour Savannimalz @savannimalz 2d -This is for the working class only!!-post u looking cute in your uniform PARMERRTE
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    Font - Shy @ashyiaaa y'all me and my bf at hibachi.. I go to catch the shrimp & HE SMACKED IT saying "we not on that" I'm so embarrassed. 10:01 PM 2/24/23 530K Views . • 665 Retweets 790 Quotes 10.4K Likes
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    Land vehicle - Perc Franklin @bb_brooks Ain't no way the insurance company gon believe this 0:13 1.1M views 226163454 8:53 PM 2/18/23 4M Views 10.7K Retweets 2,463 Quotes 60.9K Likes Icc
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    Vehicle - mia @MayaKellly this girl i used to know just posted the worst living room ive ever seen on her story "Live, Laugh, Lay Down Suppressive Fire."
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    Font - pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" @pixelated boat Ugh this guy ruins everything Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson The notion that giving cocaine to a bear would cause the bear to go on a killing spree is preposterous Hollywood nonsense. I have personally given cocaine to bears (both captive and wild) on many occasions. In all cases, the bear was dead within 15 minutes. 11:25 AM Feb 20, 2023 1.7M Views 4:42 PM 2/23/23 455K Views 1,082 Retweets 53 Quotes 13.1K Likes :
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    Textile - Harry @lexaprotools a lot of the people who told me i'd never be able to use 6 slabs of acme fish as a blanket are reaaaaal quiet these days..... CUTNEY ...
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    Font - Alison @American Hussy You've just ordered Pizza Hut and a 2L Mountain Dew. You've loaded up RuneScape on your PC. No school tomorrow. Your parents don't care if you stay up all night long. A perfect Summer night. You are 39 years old. The year is 2023. 4:22 PM 2/23/23 141K Views 471 Retweets 21 Quotes 6,028 Likes
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    Font - amy et al. @peachofababy This worked to get my account unbanned after 5 years LOL Description of the problem Tell us if you're having a problem accessing your account, or why you don't believe you violated the Twitter rules. I was banned after being mass reported by the cancel culture police. It was a false report to try to silence me for my right wing beliefs Submit 12:02 PM 2/23/23 997K Views 1,758 Retweets 210 Quotes 26.9K Likes
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    Plant - Oddly Terrifying @OTerrifying. 1d Terrifying encounter between hiker and bear 0:06 12.2M views 5,887 22.9K Cocaine Bear @cocainebear told you i can climb trees 194K 5:30 PM 2/24/23 342K Views cá ili 34.2M ↑ 383 Retweets 29 Quotes 12.4K Likes
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    Sleeve - Will "Watch my pinned tweet video"... @SquillyHeff I've been here a day and already I've seen so many Disney couple shirts that basically boil down to this. Are people ok?? My Bitch Wife is making me Pay for this 3:43 PM 2/24/23 - 1.8M Views IM His Minnie 3,224 Retweets 191 Quotes 53K Likes
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    Train - juan @juanbuis absolutely losing it over this american journalist discovering... a train you're telling me you just walk on and sit down??? I rode on one of Europe's fastest high- speed trains in first class from Amsterdam to Paris for $160. It easily beat flying. Taylor Rains Feb 23, 2023, 11:00 AM Instead of shuffling through airport security and waiting for my boarding zone, I simply walked onto the train and sat down. My ticket was checked after departure. . Taylor Rains/Insider 5:54
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    Product - @lowkeyalbert "you're the first girl i've brought here" the bartender: Dall Gar 8:38 PM 2/24/23 4.5M Views 12.3K Retweets 1,113 Quotes 125K Likes : ...
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    Font - J.R @TheLifeuvJR I just ordered a shot of Louis XIII at the bar i thought it was gon be like $80. This shit $400 im bout to fake a seizure and have them call the ambulance 8:23 PM 2/23/23 2.8M Views 2,998 Retweets 1,437 Quotes 31.6K Likes
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    Font - Vicki @vboykis Women: I can change him Him: In 1 0 0 00 10 0 1 ⠀⠀⠀ 00 0 10:36 PM2/24/23 396K Views ⠀ 688 Retweets 102 Quotes 7,862 Likes 0 0 1
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    Clothing - packin llamas @PresidentOJ mark wahlberg when you ask him what he did in 1988 while high ON PCP RAE @Valkyrae 2/16/23 I'm in a Mark Wahlberg movie!!! Just wrapped filming The Family Plan

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